March 30, 1958

Shit. What is there to even say? I guess there is a lot, but it all seems like a very bad dream. The holiday season has been intense. Knowing that this has been my Mom's last thanksgiving, Christmas, and will be her last New Years, is tough. There is so much to acknowledge, and process, but it just seems so surreal. My mom has had cancer for a few years now. For almost a year, my Mom has been in a state of decline. It has been slow and merciful, until right around thanksgiving. Since then it has been merciless and aggressive. Her condition worsens daily, which is notable because I didn't know that the living suffered this way. Her liver is shutting down. She is constantly in pain. She weighs 90 lbs, and has almost zero body fat. She eats less than 400 calories a day. I try to make her comfortable. I try to back off from taking care of her when my sisters and aunt are here, so that they will feel the love of caring. I feel like a failure. I feel embarrassed to have problems when my mother is suffering so much. I feel selfish. I wonder if other people feel guilty in these types of situations, and I hope that nobody has ever been in this situation. This fucking sucks.
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My mom is going to die in my house. I want that for her. I want her to know that it's alright - that it won't ruin us. I want her to know that we're going to be alright. I want her to be sure that we're going to have children, and lovers and successes and failures. I want her to know that we're going to cherish our memories of her. I want her to know that our successes are her successes, even after she's gone. I want her to know that her life means so much to me; and that her death means. . . I guess I don't know what it means yet. But I know that we will be alright.
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I want my mom to know that my children will know who she was. They will know that she liked to ride bikes in the sunshine. She liked to work hard when it was worth it. She didn't stop pedaling on steep hills, but would strafe side to side until she reached the top. When we got to the top, she would marvel at the beauty of Mount Hood in the distance, and her children, so healthy and radiant and near. We would tease her for riding twice as far as us to get to the top of the hill, and she would smile, happy to have made it. Our children will know that their grandmother was a kind person. That she would have loved to show them what it meant to be a grandchild. She would have spoiled them terribly, and I would have been annoyed, but I would have complained very quietly, and I would not have pressed the issue. I and my children will celebrate her birthday, March 30th, 1958, for the rest of my life.
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Things are rough here. But we're going to be alright. I love my mother.

Aljon Reyes, ladies and well, ladies.

Time for a new roommate!

I've been thinking all night long about how to address the situation before me. Truthfully, I'm clueless, and I don't expect a revelation anytime soon. I do know that this is a shitty situation, and I don't want to talk about it. But in order to answer the questions that I'd rather not answer when I meet up with my friends, I thought it best to tell it here. My Mother has been battling cancer for a couple of years. She has a type of cancer that attacks the blood. It is aggressive, unrelenting and apparently deadly. Doctors have been very aggressive in dealing with her treatment. She has participated in several studies, and through her effort, we might someday find a cure. Unfortunately, I spoke with her tonight and she informed me that the doctors had nothing left in their bag of tricks. She's being released from the hospital in Seattle and will be moving in with us at my home. We have a room for her, and I'm excited to spend more time with her.  We don't know how long she'll be with us, and we're not sure what the future holds. We do know that everybody is concerned, and that we all love her very much. So, I thank you for your concern, and I appreciate that you care. Please stay positive and hope for the best.
cheers,
E

Kiln is loaded

Firing for four days
Pouring molten bronze on Tuesday at 6pm
You're invited

oh the horror

Haven't posted in awhile. A lot has been happening, but I'm not allowed to talk about most of the really interesting stuff. Instead I'll just give an account of my morning.

7:09am : Got out of bed and yelled at the dog for barking in the back yard.

10:06am : Got out of bed and climbed into the shower.

10:11am : Got out of the shower and put my underpants on.

10:16am : Left the house to go to the hospital.

11:04am : Doctor Brock gingerly placed two 4 inch long pieces of foam, soaked in some sort of numbing agent in my nasal passage.

11:17am : Doctor Brock repositioned the broken bone in my nose, using a stainless steal tool and his very strong hands.

12:11pm : Arrived at work 11 minutes late.

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Aside from that, I've had a nice summer. My job is pleasant, the weather has been nice and I like my friends. I've played some music, and ridden my bike some.

I bought a kiln and am in the process of constructing a studio at the house. I'm converting said kiln from 208v 3phase to single phase 240v and running the necessary wire and plug to run it.

I will post pictures of the first batch of pots.

Smith

Last week was rough. I was so glad to get in the car Saturday morning and drive away from it all. Todd is the only one of my friends that likes to camp. Others say they do, but realistically, given the choice between hiking up a huge crag and going to bed when the sun sets, or staying in town, they'd rather hit the bars and sleep in their own bed. I appreciate that as well, but I don't want to do it all the time. Also, I've been really into rock climbing lately and having used my REI dividend for a new rope, I needed to take it out for some action.

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We got a late start and I was worried that we might not get a spot in the Bivouac area at Smith Rock. The cool kids call it the bivy. As we drove up

and over Hood, however, and the sun began to shine, I wasn't worried at all. Instead I was just happy to be doing something awesome. The drive was beautiful, with blue sunny skies and beautiful clouds. We stopped in Terrabonne to check out the local climbing shop, where I picked up a new locking biner and a cheap hat. A german guy was hanging around trying to get a ride back to the park, so we took him with us. He had been in the states since October and had travelled across the country climbing at all the major spots. Smith was to be his last stop before heading back to Germany this Wednesday. Shaking his hand was like lifting a stone.

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We parked and quickly set up our tents to secure a spot in the bivy. Luckily the crowd hadn't arrived and we managed a good spot near the cliff. Smith towered above us across the river. I was feeling really excited and completely overwhelmed. As we loaded up our gear, refilled our water bottles and started towards the crag I was feeling pretty great.

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The park sees a lot of traffic, but it was clean. There were hikers, young and old; mountain bikers politely passing with a calm "on your left"; and there were climbers everywhere. The rock is formed of tuff, which is volcanic in origin. It's red and brown and looks amazing in the afternoon and evening sun. We hiked a couple of miles and found a nice secluded spot where I could hike up and set up an anchor. Without a bit more gear we were relegated to top-rope climbing, which was fine because Smith offers plenty of great beginner and intermediate top-rope-able routes. I showed Todd how to set up an anchor, tie in and belay. Then, before we knew it, we were ready to pack it up and head back for dinner. We hiked the rest of the loop up and over, past Monkey Face and back to camp. By the time we arrived, the sun had set and the temperature dropped considerably. We quickly ate dinner and hit the sack.

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The next morning, a breakfast of oatmeal and peanut butter provided the fuel for several hours of climbing. We hiked a bit and found a large boulder that wasn't overpopulated. It's called Rope A Dope Rock and offered easy access to anchors and some fun, short routes. I set the anchor and rappelled down, then Todd tied in and had a go. After an unsuccessful attempt at the Crack, I convinced him to try my shoes. Sure enough, with a little bit better traction, he sent it. It was a step up from the previous day's climb. I tried a route called Sting Like a Bee. It had a really cool flake undercling and a reach over shelf near the top. Thankfully Todd proved to be a competent belayer. I fell more than a few times but eventually finished the route. We climbed a few more routes on that face before a short hike and, unfortunately, the journey home.

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I can't wait to get back!