Zeppelin and bowling

When my mom was dying, Bon Iver was the record that I listened to and cried. It was their first record. Over and over I rode home from school and listened to that record and pedaled through tears, shouting sometimes to myself, ignoring the fact that anybody on the street could hear me. Losing people on the slow bar is hard. My uncle was diagnosed with a brain tumor a couple of weeks ago. Goddamn if I didn't shout as loud as my lungs would allow tonight. The music was different, but I have to say that riding home through tears feels the same for my mom as for one of my favorite uncles. Kevin is my Mom's younger brother. He's wicked smart, funny as hell and fit. Kevin is the uncle that taught me about rock music. I used to go to his house and play Led Zeppelin records. His stereo was so cool, and his records were the shit!!! His roommate introduced me to Ice Tea before they were on MTV, and also opened the door for culinary exploration when he suggested that I develop a taste for Artichokes, because it was a 'hot' date food.

My first memory of Kevin is at some strange house, when he came to visit us. He was a kid! I was 3 years old maybe and he was noisy, enthusiastic and super-fun. He shouted a lot about me as if I was a pro-bowler when I rolled a tennis ball to him. Meanwhile, he and my mom chatted on the porch. I love Kevin. Whatever I know about being a man in the world I learned mainly from Kevin and my uncle Keith. Between the two of them, I had a solid idea of what men did in the world. My mom loved the both of them, and Anna - her sister, and she made a point of making sure I knew each of them. She sent me to their houses for nights and weekends and sometimes weeks. I knew them in my own way, and I learned from them in a way that only I could learn from each of them. They shared similar lessons with my sisters, and they took from them in a way that only they could take.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to deal with this. I want to exercise some profound wisdom, but I'm just bummed out. I feel like somebody is standing on my chest and kicking me in the head. I feel a little bit pessimistic.